Unsaid

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When was the last time I wrote something in front of my laptop & actually posting it on my blog. About 5 months ago? Where I listed all of the current things that happened to me. I am laughing at myself right now because the time I wrote it, I am coping up with my emotions of sadness and loneliness. I hope you get what I mean. Around those time, I’m stressed out over something that I can’t really remember now. Lame. Then today as I am typing this, I feel nothing. Seriously. I feel empty. About my emotions. How I feel, what I really wanted, who am I or what’s the reason of my existence? I know I’m annoying as what is my point of putting this kind of sh*t on my blog wherein I should post all the great & happy moments I had in life. But I’m just also a human and there are times that not everything you wanted in life will work under your own will. You may be questioning me as what I am going through right now? What is my problem? Or what is this all about?

Heart break. Yes, you read it right. A puzzle in my heart has lost. A puzzle that I thought six years ago will be glued forever in my heart. But ‘man I was wrong! I am really wrong the first time I have given my “Yes” to a guy that from the start, he doesn’t know what he is doing. A guy who had her first girlfriend & doesn’t have any idea about love. A guy that I thought will love me forever through good and bad times. (Well, maybe he only loved me on some days when he feels I’m good enough for him) I got fooled by a guy who disguises himself as a prince who saved me from darkness before but will bring me back to it in the end and leave a big deep hole that I know no one can ever pull me out now.

I’m blind. I’m being blind by love…again. I hate myself for being so martyr when it comes to loving someone. This is not the first time that I got betrayed by the person I love. I remember how I’ve been given a false hope by my first love, how I cheated by my first boyfriend and now…how I got dumped & left behind by my greatest love.  I am asking myself the same question I always ask, “Why?” “Am I not good enough to someone?” “Am I really not lucky with love?” “Would all the men that I’ll meet will just hurt me in the end?” I know no one can really answer my question. I am aware of it. But I just wanted to know an answer to my why’s. Or some questions will be better left unanswered?

~tbc~

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